Learn how to get the best out of any relationship

Relationships Awareness 1: Self-Awareness - The Key to Understanding Yourself and Your Relationships

2011-01-07T05:17:00.001-08:00

In the Introduction to Relationships Awareness Mini-Training Series I explained how the series can help you develop Self-Awareness: get a grip on what makes it impossible for you to find and cultivate the relationship you want; understand the ways in which you might have sabotaged yourself and your relationships until now; and teach you what you should do in order to cultivate the relationship you desire.
In the present unit I explain The Essence of Self-Awareness.
You might be surprised to hear that there are many things about yourself that you don't know - without even realizing that you don't know them. As a matter of fact, you know yourself only up to a certain point. You often fail in your relationships for the simple reason that you lack self-awareness, that you don't really know your true, genuine self. You are driven by a host of factors of which you are not aware, which affect your thoughts, feelings, attitudes and behaviors and drive you, without your realizing it, to behave in ways that either harm your attempts to find a partner, or sabotage whichever relationship you have.
Unfortunately, you don't realize that you are not aware. You assume that you know "who you are"; you are convinced that you know how to behave in a relationship. When it fails, you don't understand your part in the failure and tend to blame your partner. Eventually, when your relationships fail time and again, you blame "All these men" or "All these women".
It is only when you develop Self-Awareness that you can understand how you harm your relationships - or lack of; only then you can take the responsibility for your part in the failure, and begin to change.
What should you become aware of?
As you develop Self-Awareness you gain self-understanding and self-knowledge. You get to know your true, genuine self. Self-awareness enables you to identify and understand factors that control your feelings, attitudes, reactions and behaviors and harm your relationships - of which you haven't been aware until now - such as:
• The messages you unconsciously internalized at home and the society in which you grew up, that exert power over you.
• The beliefs, opinions and values that influence you.
• The needs and deprivations that rule you.
• The fears that control you.
• The unfinished business from the past that sabotages you.
• The traits you're not aware of, which you project onto your partners.
• The automatic reactions and behavioral patterns that you unconsciously use.
• The expectations from partners and relationships that mislead you.
• The fantasies about partners and relationships you hold on to which delude you.
These are factors which, until now, you have not been aware of; therefore you haven't realized the part they play in harming your relationships. Once you develop Self-Awareness, you can understand what causes you to stay out of a relationship, get in-and-out too quickly, or act in ways that hurt you when you have one.
Next in Relationships Awareness Mini-Training Series:2 - Self-Awareness - a Prerequisite for Successful Intimate Relationships

Doron Gil, Ph.D., is a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant, specialized in the interplay between Self-Awareness and Relationships. He has taught this subject to thousands of students, and trained physicians, managers, school teachers and parents how to develop Self-Awareness and improve their personal and professional relationships.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

2011-01-07T05:16:00.001-08:00

Actions speak louder than words. This is particularly true about relationships. It really matters as to what you do in your relationships. If you are not good with words, then let your actions take command and communicate what you want to get across. If you have gone through a break up and want your love interest back, then be nice to them. This will create positive energy. Your ex will start to like for this. This will also encourage communication.
The question is how to accomplish that. Well, there are a number of things that you can do to make this happen. Following are some of the tips.
If your break up did not involve a lot of hard feelings or more than enough time has elapsed since, then consider calling your ex. It is imperative to keep the call brief so that your ex is not put under pressure. If you guys are collaborating on some project, then make it a point to be of help to your ex. Keep on that project. If that is not possible, then have your friend help your ex on that project.
If you caused the break up, do not be very hard on yourself. Keep faith. Be confident. You should remain strong.
It is very important in any relationship to make the other person realize your worth. If you are being nice to your ex, then he or she will see what they are losing on. Your ex will want you back in life. Bear in mind, this tip of being nice has helped many people find their way in terms of relationships. It will surely help you too. Take your example, would' not you want to be with a person who treats you right? Every person appreciates goodness of nature, and do not want to lose that person.

How to Hook Him on the First Date - Take Charge With These 7 Useful Tips and Make Him Yours

2011-01-07T05:15:00.001-08:00

We've all experienced that point where you go out with someone and think that he or she is the ultimate partner. Yet you say or do something that makes you want to crawl under the table and hide there forever! If you're looking for ways to hook a guy on the very first date, here's what you should do (or shouldn't!):
Don't ever have sex on the first date.
Some women make the mistake of getting carried away on the very first date, well, don't even go down that same path! The road back could be messy and disappointing so better keep your cool and wait for the proper moment to do this act.
Never talk about your past boyfriends.
Talk instead of his interests. Rather than focus your time blabbing about your exes, why don't you try to focus your energies on impressing him with your wit and charm?
Present only the real you.
Yet another mistake that most women make during their first dates is that they show a stranger in front of the guy. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Let him appreciate the real you rather than the fake someone who's full of lies and pretensions.
Wear an appropriate outfit during the date.
Don't show up scantily dressed! It's perfectly fine to show a little cleavage or legs but don't overdo it by making him think of you naked while you're both eating your salad. You can be sexy without being too fleshy.
Sharpen the tools so he would notice you.
Your appearance plays a great role in the laws of attraction - this guy has to see something pleasant so he would take a second look at you. And since men are known to be visual creatures, then you've got to show him that you're an eye candy.
Conversations are always two-way.
Don't dominate the conversation. Though he may say that he's enjoying listening to you, still, show him that you've got the manners. Let him talk about himself, too. This should even give you the opportunity to get to know him better.
Above everything else, love yourself.
Even before this guy will take notice of you, you've got to believe that you're lovable. Stop tormenting yourself by focusing too much on your insecurities. Don't think that you're too fat or you're not that intelligent! Think about how uniquely beautiful you are and you would begin to radiate a more positive aura that he would inevitably notice.