In the Introduction to Relationships Awareness Mini-Training Series I explained how the series can help you develop Self-Awareness: get a grip on what makes it impossible for you to find and cultivate the relationship you want; understand the ways in which you might have sabotaged yourself and your relationships until now; and teach you what you should do in order to cultivate the relationship you desire.
In the present unit I explain The Essence of Self-Awareness.
You might be surprised to hear that there are many things about yourself that you don't know - without even realizing that you don't know them. As a matter of fact, you know yourself only up to a certain point. You often fail in your relationships for the simple reason that you lack self-awareness, that you don't really know your true, genuine self. You are driven by a host of factors of which you are not aware, which affect your thoughts, feelings, attitudes and behaviors and drive you, without your realizing it, to behave in ways that either harm your attempts to find a partner, or sabotage whichever relationship you have.
Unfortunately, you don't realize that you are not aware. You assume that you know "who you are"; you are convinced that you know how to behave in a relationship. When it fails, you don't understand your part in the failure and tend to blame your partner. Eventually, when your relationships fail time and again, you blame "All these men" or "All these women".
It is only when you develop Self-Awareness that you can understand how you harm your relationships - or lack of; only then you can take the responsibility for your part in the failure, and begin to change.
What should you become aware of?
As you develop Self-Awareness you gain self-understanding and self-knowledge. You get to know your true, genuine self. Self-awareness enables you to identify and understand factors that control your feelings, attitudes, reactions and behaviors and harm your relationships - of which you haven't been aware until now - such as:
• The messages you unconsciously internalized at home and the society in which you grew up, that exert power over you.
• The beliefs, opinions and values that influence you.
• The needs and deprivations that rule you.
• The fears that control you.
• The unfinished business from the past that sabotages you.
• The traits you're not aware of, which you project onto your partners.
• The automatic reactions and behavioral patterns that you unconsciously use.
• The expectations from partners and relationships that mislead you.
• The fantasies about partners and relationships you hold on to which delude you.
These are factors which, until now, you have not been aware of; therefore you haven't realized the part they play in harming your relationships. Once you develop Self-Awareness, you can understand what causes you to stay out of a relationship, get in-and-out too quickly, or act in ways that hurt you when you have one.
Next in Relationships Awareness Mini-Training Series:2 - Self-Awareness - a Prerequisite for Successful Intimate Relationships
Doron Gil, Ph.D., is a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant, specialized in the interplay between Self-Awareness and Relationships. He has taught this subject to thousands of students, and trained physicians, managers, school teachers and parents how to develop Self-Awareness and improve their personal and professional relationships.
In the present unit I explain The Essence of Self-Awareness.
You might be surprised to hear that there are many things about yourself that you don't know - without even realizing that you don't know them. As a matter of fact, you know yourself only up to a certain point. You often fail in your relationships for the simple reason that you lack self-awareness, that you don't really know your true, genuine self. You are driven by a host of factors of which you are not aware, which affect your thoughts, feelings, attitudes and behaviors and drive you, without your realizing it, to behave in ways that either harm your attempts to find a partner, or sabotage whichever relationship you have.
Unfortunately, you don't realize that you are not aware. You assume that you know "who you are"; you are convinced that you know how to behave in a relationship. When it fails, you don't understand your part in the failure and tend to blame your partner. Eventually, when your relationships fail time and again, you blame "All these men" or "All these women".
It is only when you develop Self-Awareness that you can understand how you harm your relationships - or lack of; only then you can take the responsibility for your part in the failure, and begin to change.
What should you become aware of?
As you develop Self-Awareness you gain self-understanding and self-knowledge. You get to know your true, genuine self. Self-awareness enables you to identify and understand factors that control your feelings, attitudes, reactions and behaviors and harm your relationships - of which you haven't been aware until now - such as:
• The messages you unconsciously internalized at home and the society in which you grew up, that exert power over you.
• The beliefs, opinions and values that influence you.
• The needs and deprivations that rule you.
• The fears that control you.
• The unfinished business from the past that sabotages you.
• The traits you're not aware of, which you project onto your partners.
• The automatic reactions and behavioral patterns that you unconsciously use.
• The expectations from partners and relationships that mislead you.
• The fantasies about partners and relationships you hold on to which delude you.
These are factors which, until now, you have not been aware of; therefore you haven't realized the part they play in harming your relationships. Once you develop Self-Awareness, you can understand what causes you to stay out of a relationship, get in-and-out too quickly, or act in ways that hurt you when you have one.
Next in Relationships Awareness Mini-Training Series:2 - Self-Awareness - a Prerequisite for Successful Intimate Relationships
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